The Heart of Marriage

Dennis & Jill Eenigenburg

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2. WHAT ARE COMMON PROBLEMS IN MARRIAGE?

Couples who fail to address and resolve life’s problems by obeying God’s Word will lack oneness in their relationship with God, each other and their children.

LISTED HERE ARE SOME COMMON POTHOLES IN THE ROAD OF LIFE THAT DISRUPT ONENESS.

SELFISHNESS

Oneness and marriage is disrupted by selfishness. Selfishness is a focused on pleasing self while ignoring God’s will and the wellbeing of others. Couples seeking oneness will need to honestly acknowledge the temptation to selfishness and embrace God’s solution to conquer this marital pothole.

SOCIETY

The environment in which we live out our marriages is hostile not friendly. The word “world” in scripture refers to the earth’s fallen culture ruled by the “Prince of the power of the air” and dominated by evil. The pleasures of the “world” are strong temptations for our affections. If we willfully yield to these temptations we can become ensnared in behaviors, habits and addictions that divert our hearts from God and our spouse.

SUFFERING

Suffering comes from various sources: natural, supernatural and Divine. Natural suffering comes to us because all creation is under the curse of man’s sin. We are vulnerable to diseases, injury and aging. All of these carry with them a degree of pain and suffering. We also have suffering from the supernatural realm of the Devil and His Demons.

SUCCESS

In many ways the greatest threat to our spiritual integrity is not poverty but prosperity. The prosperity experienced in Western Civilizations has resulted in many turning to a totally secular life style. Prosperity gives one the impression that God is not needed in one’s life. Prosperity out of balance can also lead husbands and wives to growing independence from each other. Financial independence can make divorce a more attractive option for couples struggling with conflict.

Prosperity in balance is not evil. Those who see their wealth or positions of influence as gifts from God to be used for the Kingdom are blessed. Couples seeking oneness with God and each other will need to Christ honoring stewards of any success they may experience.

SEX

Couples seeking oneness with God and oneness with their spouse will need to abstain from immorality.

SEPARATION

Short-term Separation: For many couples, separation for 10-12 hours a day is a requirement of their employment. In some cases this has led to temptations, attraction and even extra marital affairs. Business travel also presents a unique set of circumstances in which temptations must be faced.

Long-term Separation: Long-term separation is often necessitated by employment in other parts of one’s own country or in other countries. Long-term separation requires a plan to communicate long distances and to order one’s life in a way that honors God and one’s marriage vows.

Couples who want to grow in their oneness with God and each other must not let short or long- term separation lead to unfaithfulness or abandonment

ILLUSTRATION:

As believers, we are called the bride of Christ. Jesus is our spiritual husband. Our faith in him has established our betrothal to him. But we are presently separated from his presence. He is away preparing a place for us. But while he is away he continues to love us by praying for us and sending us love letters (Scriptures). He motivates us to be faithful in this period of separation by anticipating the joy of our reunion, ultimate consummation and fellowship forever in His Father’s house.

SPENDING

Every married couple will be required to administrate their assets. Some will manage $500.00 per year, others $500,000 per year. Regardless of the amount, there are basically three things we can do with assets: save, spend or give. While most couples agree on these three options there can be disruptive differences on the proportion allotted to each area. Couples who want to promote oneness with God and each other must apply biblical principles to their management of their assets.

TAKE IT TO HEART

What other “potholes” in road of life might negatively impact the alignment of your marital oneness?

List here:

1.

2.

3.

How have these “potholes” negatively impacted your marriage?

Degrees of Negative Impact: 1-None, 2- Sometimes, 3-Frequently, 4-Greatly

Selfishness ____

Society ____

Suffering ____

Success ____

Sex ____

Separation ____

Spending ____